"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
