Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize