Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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