not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
