I have demons in me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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