Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
