There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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