She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
