Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
