I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
