If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
