What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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