Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
