The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
