the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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