your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
