Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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