I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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