I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
