BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
