You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
