so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
