i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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