No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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