Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
