But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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