why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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