God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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