You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
