Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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