she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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