you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
