I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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