So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
