If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
