did you get engaged???
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
