break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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