Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
