This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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