just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
