In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
