Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
