He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
