I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
