I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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