"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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