FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
