There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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