it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
