If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
