Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
