walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
