i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize