Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
