I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want a musical about memes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
