My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
