He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
