Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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