i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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