I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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