I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize