Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
