I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
