i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
