i think my mom watched the whole time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
