You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
