I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
