Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
