plz talk dirty to me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
